Hassled with Holiday Preparations?
Today’s guest author is our Amish chef friend Ruby, the grossmommie (or grandma) who makes regular appearances on Mary Swander’s Buggy Land podcast. Ruby requested an appearance today on this Emerging Voices Substack page to voice a social justice issue of her own.
Listen to Mary Swander interview Ruby on her podcast here:
Mary: Well, welcome, Ruby, our resident grossmommie, to Mary Swander’s Buggy Land.
Ruby: Oh, hello.
Mary: So, Ruby, did you have a good Thanksgiving? Looking forward to Christmas?
Ruby: No, I can’t say I am.
Mary: No? Didn’t you spend Thanksgiving with your family?
Ruby: Some of them, yes.
Mary: How many is “some of them.”
Ruby: Let’s see. There were Merle’s and Mahlon’s and Melvin’s and Marlin’s and Marvin’s and Moses’.
Mary: Got the picture. And how many people is that?
Ruby: I’d have to count. Over 100.
Mary: You cooked for 100 people on Thanksgiving?
Ruby: Yes, then the others brought dishes, you know.
Mary: That sounds lovely.
Ruby: Well, it wasn’t.
Mary: Mmmm. And it doesn’t sound like you’re looking forward to Christmas.
Ruby: Not the dinner, no.
Mary: But you’re such a good cook. What on earth was the matter?
Ruby: Keto. That’s what was the matter.
Mary: Keto?
Ruby: You know, the young people are all on keto.
Mary: Amish people are on keto?
Ruby: Oh, yes, and they won’t eat this and they won’t eat that. They won’t eat my sweet potatoes. . .
Mary: How on earth did they find out about keto?
Ruby: And they won’t even eat the marshmallows on top of the sweet potatoes.
Mary: Did they read about it at the library?
Ruby: Strangest thing. They will eat my jello and whipped cream.
Mary: Did they see it in the newspaper?
Ruby: They won’t even eat my shoo-fly pie. Imagine! They love my shoo-fly pie.
Mary: We all love your shoo-fly pie, Ruby.
Ruby: Shoo-fly pie, my oh my.
Mary: Right. But really, where did a bunch of young Amish people learn about the keto diet?
Ruby: Oh, I don’t know. Indiana, I suppose.
Mary: Indiana?
Ruby: You know, they’re pretty far out there. All the country roads are black-topped. No gravel.
Mary: Well, that must be nice.
Ruby: Not really. You can go anywhere really fast down those roads. Go to town. Get new ideas.
Mary: Oh, that’s right. Indiana is like Berkeley for the Amish.
Ruby: Well, wherever they got it, they got the idea that they can’t eat my cooking.
Mary: What are you going to fix at Christmas?
Ruby: I have no idea. They sent me a Keto cookbook. I thumbed through it. It looks awful.
Mary: What do you mean?
Ruby: They put everything in an air-fryer. Whatever that is. Something more to plug in. What on earth? If I’m going to fry chicken, I’m frying it right there in a cast iron pan. I’m not running an air-fryer off the generator.
Mary: No, I wouldn’t recommend it.
Ruby: Might over heat and burn down the whole house.
Mary: Stranger things have happened.
Ruby: They even put avocados in the fryer. Sounds dreadful. And this is not the place for avocados. If you can find them, they cost a fortune. And when you cut them open, they’re already brown and rotten inside.
Mary: Well, what are the young people doing keto for, anyway?
Ruby: To lose weight, I guess. They’re already slim as can be.
Mary: It’s just a fad. It will fade.
Ruby: Not soon enough for me.
Mary: I suppose it won’t fade by Christmas.
Ruby: Not a chance. Not a chance. You, you’re not on keto, you come over and have a piece of my pie.
Mary: Well, thank you, Ruby.
Ruby: Shoo-fly pie, my oh, my.
Go back to Indiana,
Stick your keto in your eye.
Listen to the entire Buggy Land podcast here:
In addition to Ruby’s interview, Jane Yoder Short recounts how she grew up Mennonite, gardening and constructing bean tipis with a deep love of the dirt (or soil). Host Mary Swander tells stories about raising turkeys for the season and how the year comes to an end at the Bontrager’s sorghum press down the road.
I am thrilled to be part of both the Iowa Writers Collaborative and the Iowa Podcaster’s Collaborative. Follow us here:
I laughed out loud the whole way through. Much needed laughter. And the conversation was so educational too. I never knew Indiana was the Berkeley of the Midwest. I thought it was Iowa! Now I stand (or sit down to a non-keto feast) corrected!